


If Only

by Thysanotus



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Post War, Romance, The Quidditch Pitch: Eternity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-03
Updated: 2006-01-03
Packaged: 2018-10-27 07:40:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10804788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thysanotus/pseuds/Thysanotus
Summary: My first attempt at a song fic, to Hanson’s “If Only”. I’ve been a Hanson fan for (nearly) half my life, and I remember thinking the first time I heard this song, what a great song it would be for a fic to be based around. And look, I’ve managed to connect BOTH my fandoms *grin*. I’ve finally got around to writing my fic, so I hope you all enjoy it!





	If Only

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).

If only. If only he had the guts to feel this way, well, he could do something about it. He could tell Snape how he felt. But he was too scared.  
  
Harry snorted to himself. How ironic was that? He’d confronted Voldemort in all his many incarnations, he’d faced down Dementors, he’d seen the scariest things in five and a half universes, but he couldn’t tell the man he loved how he felt.  
  
Still angry with himself, he strode around the corner, head down.  
  
He found himself in the dungeons, outside Snape’s door. He raised a hand to knock and, as it approached the wood, he noticed his knuckles shaking. Get a grip on yourself man, he thought, it’s the greasy git who tormented you for your entire high school career. He’s just not worth being nervous over.  
  
Suddenly the door flew open, and a sulky Slytherin Harry knew from his third year Muggle Studies classes stalked out. Snape was right behind him. He didn’t see Harry at first, and dropped his head, tiredly rubbing his eyes.  
  
“Professor Potter” sneered the Slytherin. Snape’s head flew up, and the traditional sneer replaced itself on his features.  
  
“Well, Professor Potter. To what do I owe this pleasure?” Snape drawled, framed by the doorway.  
  
Harry stuttered “Can I, can I come in?”  
  
Snape looked him over, and Harry barely repressed the urge to push his way past the  
other man. “I suppose if nothing else will get rid of you Potter, you’d best come in,” he said, pushing the door open a fraction and standing back.  
  
Harry still had to push past him to enter the room, and hoped Snape wasn’t aware of his excitement. “Professor Snape,” he began, “every single time I see you, I start to feel this way. It makes me wonder if I’m ever going to feel this way again.”  
  
He heard Snape snort. “No, no, please let me finish,” he begged. “If you don’t let me keep going, well, I’ll never be able to start again.” He paused in an attempt to collect his scattered thoughts.  
  
“It’s like I have a picture in the back of my head, and I see it over and over. I want to hold you, and love you, in my arms, and then, well,” he looked at the floor, too embarrassed to meet Snape’s eyes and blushed.  
  
“Mr Potter. What brought on this sudden depth of emotion for me? I’ve known you since you were 11, and in all that time I’ve never been what you might call kindly disposed towards you. What exactly makes you think that has changed?” Snape asked, one eyebrow raised.  
  
“I, I just have this feeling, that I’m meant to be with you until the end. And I tell myself that I have to hold it in, If only I had the guts to feel this way, I could have told you a long time ago about what you meant to me, and,” his voice grows fainter “you might look at me and want to stay.”  
  
Snape paused, the nasty remark on the tip of his tongue. He wasn’t the only one surprised by what came out of his mouth. “Harry, how did you know I was thinking of leaving the school?”  
  
“I heard Minerva talking to Albus about how hard it was going to be to find an experienced Potions master since you’d decided you were going to Australia. It didn’t make sense to me, until I looked you up in the old school yearbooks. You were studying rare Australian indigenous potions before Voldemort ruined everyone’s lives. So now he’s gone, there’s no reason for you to stay here.”  
  
“I won’t go. Because I need you Harry, I need you.” Snape stopped, alarmed. Had those words just come out of his mouth? He was starting to sound like a bad Muggle soap opera. But was it true? Did he need Harry Potter? He’d missed the boy in those years after he’d graduated and was playing professional Quidditch. Missed like you missed the hiccups, sure, but he had been pleased when the boy had taken the post of Muggle Studies teacher. And he had enjoyed their conversations in the staff room, the pointed exchange of insults.  
  
He raised his voice to break through the puppy eyes Potter had turned on him. “OUT! I need to think. OUT!” Potter slammed the door on his way out.  
Harry sits in his rooms waiting, wondering, hoping. He wants to make this right. All he can think about is Snape’s hands, his face, and all those lonely nights.  
  
Snape sits in his rooms, thinking about Harry. He wants to hold him, and love him. He doesn’t want to leave; he needs to be with Harry until the bitter end. But Harry won’t let him in, not this time, not tonight.  
  
  
*music begins to play softly, fading out*  
 _If only,_  
I had the guts to feel this way.  
And if only,  
You'd look at me and want to stay.  
And if only,  
I'd take you in my arms and say,  
I won't go, 'cause I need you.  
Please don't go, 'cause I need you now.

I wanna hear you say,  
It'll always be this way.  
We'll be hand in hand  
For ever night, and ever day.  
I wanna scream and shout.  
'Cause i'm losin' any doubt.  
'Cause all I care about is  
You and me, and us, and now.

Oh yeah.

If only,  
I had the guts to feel this way.  
And if only,  
You'd look at me and want to stay.  
And if only,  
I'd take you in my arms and say,  
I won't go, 'cause I need you.  
Please don't go.  
'cause I need you now, yeah  
'cause I need you  
(if only...)  
'cause I need you now.  
(if only...)  
'cause I need you  
'I need you  
(if only...)  
'cause I need you  
(if only...)  
'cause I need you


End file.
